Welcome to GDIA podcast. I am so excited about my amazing guest and you all just learning a little bit about her and her story and journey of growing with God. So go ahead and introduce yourself and let us know a little bit about you. So 

My name is Jen and I live with my husband and my son in Boston, Massachusetts. 

Uh, on the northeast of Boston, and I am a transplant from Trinidad and Tobago, been here for 36 years, and um,  uh, don't like the cold weather, but this is where God has let us, and so we are blooming where we're planted. 

Amen to that, I understand that all so well. So, I would love to know, kind of like, your journey into Getting to know God, because I do feel like we all have those moments in our life.

It could be from childhood where we just had a glimpse of something that shifted us or changed us, or it even could be, you know, adulthood. It all just varies on life. So let us know where that started for you. 

Well, it didn't start in childhood. It didn't start in teenage years. It started when 30, and It came as a result of a really challenging and negative situation.

So I came kicking and screaming. I didn't come willingly. But my older sister, who was a Christian from since she was maybe a teenager, was the only one in our household who, um, had faith in God at the time. And I was a party girl. I didn't, grew up in church. I didn't go to church except for Christmas and Easter.

And I didn't think that it was for me because it seemed restrictive. It seemed sort of, you know, I'd be put in a box and I didn't want that. I didn't want any restraint or I resisted a lot of, you Sort of somebody telling me what to do. So I really did not have that insight, obviously, because I didn't, I didn't know that at the time.

But so I, I resisted. I was one of those individuals that, you know, wasn't sort of an easy route for me, um, compared to some people that I hear grew up in a Christian home, you know, knew God all along. That was not my story. So my story is very, very unique, I think. And everybody's story is unique to them.

That was my early story. 

So what would you say was the moment where either something shifted in your life or something kind of like led you into that moment of?  Maybe this is God and you know, what is God to me now? Like you start questioning a little bit. Cause I do feel like we all have those moments.

I call it like the coming to Jesus moment. 

Yeah, it's, I was talking to someone just to think recently where I was sharing of how, you know, talk about coming to, to that moment, it was like, it was. It was not an easy process for me. Uh, and in fact, it was very, um, more of like a long stretch of reminders and reminders and reminders.

It wasn't a calm sort of easy float. It was a very, I would say it was a very, very troubling.  way that I came, I remember an incident you're like, wow, okay, this is it. So I was, um, I think I was in a party  and I was normally go to parties on Saturdays and I felt that the room just got really. Like I was the only one there, even though there was, you know, a lot of people around, I just felt like I froze in time and I was looking around thinking, Oh my gosh, this is kind of weird. 

What is going on? I didn't think anything of it. I went back again the next week and same thing happened. And I just felt like, Oh wow, this is such a weird feeling. Like I was like in space or something. Just felt like me alone in frozen in time.  I just remember saying that, is this it? Is this all that there is?

This is, it doesn't bring satisfaction anymore.  Um, but I brushed it off, um, and just continued on, but it became less and less  exciting for me to go to the place where I once thought it was the best thing. And over time, I think that. Desire sort of, it left me that desire to be with people partying. It just, it just slowly just felt like nothing.

Right. And then over time, then tragedy hit and between, you know, being there and it felt like nothing and in tragedy hit and. Everything culminated into, Oh my gosh, yeah, that was my call. That was my time to, um, to surrender that part of myself. And again, it just took a long time because I was very resistant.

That's what I would say. I was very resistant to,  I think to give up. I felt I was giving up something.  I wouldn't have fun anymore or,  you know, things would be boring. And, you know, I guess it's my belief in what I. assumed it would be. And so I just made up all these stories in my mind of how I didn't want anybody controlling me and I didn't want any hardship.

And I had all these different things that I thought it was. And of course it's not like that. I came with a lot of skid marks, a lot of resistance. 

I can understand that too, especially like when it's, it's new, you really don't know what to expect when you're going into it. It can honestly even feel uncomfortable, you know?

For sure. So I would love to know, like, did it ever smooth out? And if it did smooth out, What helped that? Because that's a hard transition to go through, you know? 

Yeah. 

I I'm thinking, I'm trying to think about the 

smooth parts.  This has been so many bumps along the way, truly. And that's what I was really avoiding, to be honest.

I, I hesitated for so long because I knew what I saw. Or I read, or I believed, or I created that this life is hard. And I don't like hard things. Um, I like to take shortcuts. And,  you know, I don't like pain. And I had all these belief systems.  in my mind, narratives and stories that I created of what it would look like. 

And I believed it so much that I resisted, resisted, resisted. And in terms of smooth, I'm trying to figure out when, when was that? Um, I think that the smoothest part for me was,  um, you know, finding my mate and getting married. I think that was, You know, finding somebody of like mindedness, um, who had the same values, the same faith and coming together to create this family.

And I think that was, that was one of the smoothest parts of my, of my walk. 

I love how sometimes God will put people in our lives and we don't always know like what the reason or the purpose is.  And somehow they kind of like end up just smoothing out everything that we were struggling with that we didn't even know we needed help with. 

Everything just like becomes so much better and you don't even know that's their purpose. Right, right. That's always so much of a bonus in our lives when people come into our lives that  actually increase what we're trying to do and enhance how we feel. I love hearing that. So, I would like to know what was a moment in your life where you felt like you were Being tested and I asked that because often when we make the shift to give ourselves over to God He tests us, you know a little bit to kind of see like is your faith really there?

Do you really believe in me? Do you really love me like you say you do, you know? So there will be moments where we're kind of like, okay, what was that? That came out of nowhere. Um, so did you have any moments where you were tested after deciding to get to know God? You know, so many,  

so many tests, so many, but I think the first one that I had came very early for me and I was like, And I sort of said, this is why I did not want to come. 

It was  a job that I had that actually was faith based. My employers were Christian leaders, and it was the most rockiest work experience I've ever had. Literally, I was, Um, I was tested, I think I was, I just came to the faith like one year and it rocked my world, but, uh, it, it really grew me up quickly, right?

Recognizing that life has hardships and the hardships are meant to drive us. right, to God and to seek him. And I think I had that early because if not, I don't think I would have been that devoted and that sort of committed because life would have been easy and I would be coasting and there'd be nothing to seek.

And so I think for me, this is just my understanding is that, you know, God wants us to have a sort of a smooth, time and it was nice. But then one year later, that's when the trial started to come and, um, and it came with a faith based, you know, organization that prayed before meetings and had a lot of, you know, charitable connotation.

But then ultimately behind the scenes, there were a lot of things going on that I sort of recognized that was not being done correctly. I was a whistleblower and I, that was just really hard for me when the person fired me. And  long story short, um, that was my first experience and I got blacklisted and couldn't find work for a long time.

And you know, a lot of forgiveness and just the early signs of the trials made me realize, Whoa, this is, this is going to be a bumpy ride. Hold on, hold on to God because. I, if I did not have that foundation of discipleship, I think it would have left me feeling very just a punch in the stomach, um, and just walking away.

But instead I pressed in and I realized that when I do have trials, which was a lot of my life, I realized that that's when I press in even more. So some people press out, but I press in. That's the only way I know how to, you know, to get through. those testing and those trials and temptations is to really press in.

I love that. So I've never heard the term press in. Can you break that down a little bit for me? Because I'm like, wait a minute. So what does that look like? How does that feel? What is that? Well, for 

me, this is just my definition is And when something is hard, um, a lot of people go really inward and they stay isolated.

They get very in their, um, they're like a turtle, you know, turtle just goes inward. And I saw this example of a turtle sort of just going into their shell and they are just very sort of inward by themselves. Not connecting, not reaching out. Um, because we have to do the things that will create that sort of framework of safety, right?

And so for me, pressing in means I press into to God, I press into my faith community, first God, pressing into him like crazy and, you know, reminding myself of his promises and spending. enormous amounts of time with him, depending on the Holy Spirit, pressing into the power that I have in him and then pressing into the local community and pressing into the people I love, really creating that form of community that they had in the book of Acts where they, they really came together and were stronger together because we're not strong individually press in to God community and, and those around us so that we get that, that.

that covering of safety. You know, we feel safe. We feel soothed. We feel secure. So those are the sort of what I, when I call pressing and it's just pressing into those, those, um, pillars, those fortresses who can bear us up, who can, um, hold us up during those times of testing and trials and temptations. 

I love that.

I'm so glad I asked you that because I was like, I feel like there's so many layers to this. So we definitely have to dig into it and I'm glad that you said that because often when tough moments happen, we do sometimes go inwards. The enemy kind of just makes us feel like as if we're the only one and we become isolated and deep into our thoughts and, and it just starts to run from there, you know?

So. I am so glad that you said that because community is extremely important, but really digging into the word is more than anything important. You know, we need that reminder of everything is going to be okay, and this is why it's going to be okay. So, I love that you said that. It honestly opened my mind to looking at it completely different.

So, Thank you for sharing that. I would love to also ask you this, what are your key things when you, and you kind of just dug into this, so it goes with it, but I would also love to know like when you have those moments where you feel like you may need just something different or you might be just struggling a little bit more and God may be testing you or even sometimes I do feel like he allows Like the enemy to step in just to see, you know, can we get through this?

Like, what are we going to do? I would love to know, like, how do you get through those moments? Like, what are your key things that you may have to add in that you may not have to do all the time, but sometimes you may have to go a little bit deeper and add those things to? What would be those things for you?

I 

think for me, I, you know, I'm a very outdoor person. I, I love the outdoors. It reminds me of God's creation so much and it draws me closer to him. Things like walking in the woods or going by the beach, those sort of calming, simple things that I do to get me grounded and centered. And as I go out, especially in the woods, we have a big, huge, um, a trail in our area.

And when I look up at the trees and and I go down in the brook and just quietness and I am not naturally that way but so when I have those moments, uh, it just brings me closer to God. It just reminds me that He created these big tall trees and I look up at the sky and I'm on the ocean, doesn't cross its boundaries, I go back to the scriptures of when it says you know, I put my boundaries, it can never be moved.

I, I remember the scriptures when I go outdoors and I look at his creation of what he's created and, and he created everything, right? And so his creation reminds me of the creator and the power that he has to, to just say whatever he needs to say and everything just stops or everything moves or everything.

doesn't work. So for me, I get centered, I get grounded. I need to feel the earth. I need to feel the wind on my face. I need to look up at the sky. I hear birds. I don't know. Maybe it's just the way that he's wired me. I need that openness of outside. Um, my husband is quite different. He's, He's more of a, you know, he'll stay inside and he'll sort of process.

I'm quite the opposite. Um, I just feel more connected to God as I go outside and enjoy his creation. I do that much more so. 

And I feel the same way. Like once you're outside, it's something about just being surrounded by everything. Immediately your mood changes, you know?  

Yeah. I love it. I just, I don't know why I just, I just feel so closer.

It's like, I see his creation in everything. You know, the animals, the birds, the flowers. I just, I just imagine, I just go, I just, you know, somebody call it a holy imagination. I just have this holy imagination of all the things around me, even the leaves and very tiny things that I just have that imagination of. 

Thank you for sharing that. I love how, how personal you got with that. Thank you. Um, I would love to know what advice would you give to another person that might be wanting to get to know God, but is a little scared and doesn't really know how this is gonna go. They might feel uncomfortable, they might feel unsure of that decision.

So what advice would you give them? 

You know, I'm thinking about myself and how I was scared. I didn't know what to expect. It was sort of like a unknown territory you're going into. You don't know what to expect. And What I did do is I, I looked around at people who I know, knew God, respected, and their walk with God was solid.

And not that I emulated them, but, you know, Paul says, you know, follow me as I follow Christ. And so for me, I look at those individuals and I say, wow, okay, they have a very vibrant faith. What are they doing?  But then I look at myself and said, how am I created? How am I designed? Because he designed us all so differently.

Psalm 139 talked about how he knew us in the womb. And so he designed me. So really, I do a lot of writing. I do, I've been journaling for now 30 years. And so I would say, you know, get your thoughts down on paper if possible, or if you're an artist, draw or write, you know, use those senses, use your five senses.

to really sit and say, if you want to write the questions, you know, who am I? Um, how did you make me? What purpose do you have for me? You know, I'm really scared right now. I don't know what to expect. Can you show me? Can you, um, enlighten me? Can you direct me of, you know, which path I need to take or give me a next step?

Um, just be very open and honest. And that's how I was in all of my journals. I could look back and look at myself. Thoughts and I was like, Oh my gosh. So dumping, doing up a mental brain dump of everything that you're thinking about, whether good, bad, ugly, messy, you know, dump it all out because our brains are not meant for information.

It's meant for creativity. So what's the papers for? Paper is meant for information. So I would say, get everything out of your brain, all of your thoughts and just put it on paper. don't filter it, don't need it up, don't perfect it,  do a brain dump on it, and begin to see a pattern, begin to see a trend of, what are my thoughts?

Because that's really where it starts in your mind, you know, your thinking. And so continue to, you know, you know, bring it before him as prayers, which is what I did. You know, everything that came out of my brain. Uh, I have a journal at my bed, I have a journal in my bag, I have a journal in my car, I have a journal at work.

So I, I have these small journals that whenever a thought comes, I do what I call a thought download and I download it into a notebook again because our brains are not meant for this. This is it's meant for creativity, right? Because we're creative beings made in the likeness of God. So I, I do that just to clear my head out and begin to look at, Oh my gosh, this is what I'm thinking.

And begin to use that as a way to sort of use it, use it as prayers. And that's exactly what I did. I use those thoughts as prayers and bring it before God.  Uh, whether it's worry, fear, anxiety, concern, happiness, joy, all the feelings, all the feelings, every single feeling and looking back 30 years now, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I was such a mess with the thoughts that I had  back then.

Right. And I was so glad I did that because I could see the transformation. It's what I was saying. So using. the brain dump as a way to begin to create a relationship with yourself and with God,  and then begin to turn those around into prayers. And you'll see the change, you'll see the ebb and flow of your transformation.

I call it character formation.  Uh, over time and you look back and say, whoa, how far I've come. That's really what I suggest. 

I love that so much because in the midst of you doing that, you're relearning yourself a whole lot, you know, and we change so much. We go through so many different chapters in life.

So to be able to have that documented and also grow at the same time is beautiful. Yeah.  

100%. I, you know, the studies have shown of how, when you physically write something, not, not a digital, I mean, you can do digital, but I started, I tell people use a book so you can turn the pages so you can hear the crisp of the pages.

You can take the pen and there's, Studies have shown that when you write something, when you write something with a pen, it lights up a different part of the brain compared to when you use something digitally. So there's something very powerful about writing and using a pen and using actually a notepad.

So you can do the digital, but it has a different effect. That 

is amazing. Well, I want to thank you so much for coming on the show with me and just sharing the way that you view things, your relationship with God and just your journey in life. with all of us. I appreciate that so much. 

Thank you for having me city.

It's been great and thank you for your, the love and the podcast that you have that's focused on Christianity.

 well, that's it. You are. I hope that you enjoyed every second of that episode because I definitely did. So to make sure that you don't miss out on any new episode, click like follow or subscribe so that you don't miss out on anything.

And I will be back again next week. Bye y'all.