Sade: 0:16

I am so excited about my guest and honestly just y'all like meeting her and hearing her story. Her story is amazing and it's honestly very unique in my opinion. I've had so many amazing guys, but this story sticks out. So go ahead and introduce yourself and tell them a little bit about you.

Melina: 0:35

Well, hello, my name is Melina Kane. I am, let's see, I'm a mom of two boys from Austin, Texas, born and raised. My husband and I have been married for 13 years this October and we have a little pup scout that we adopted a year ago and he's like our third child at this point. Yeah, so, lived here in Austin, got family around community. I am a professional organizer, certified life coach, and yeah, so that's a little bit about me. Where I am a professional organizer, certified life coach, and yeah, so that's a little bit about me. And where I am, my corner of the world.

Sade: 1:12

Thank you so much for sharing that, so I'm excited to just honestly get into your story, so kind of like start me off on who you were, just as a little kid Like. If you could describe yourself in like probably a few words starting off, how would you describe?

Melina: 1:31

your childhood, kind of how I guess I'd say how I was. So I was, I was a quiet kid, I was an only child and I know, I know we share that. So I was an only child and, you know, I guess, a little introverted, social introvert, you know there wasn't a lot of kids on our street, so I think I was just a really good kid, like I followed the rules. I was a rule follower, I still am and yeah, just just a good, quiet kid growing up.

Sade: 1:59

So I love that. Yes, we do definitely relate to being like the only child and kind of be like in our own little special bubble. When looking back, I always like there's a transition that happens Kid, teenager and then you have young adult. From that time period, what would you say was your biggest shift?

Melina: 2:48

I mean one that I feel like happened. You know, kind of this was like in high school much I loved my mom and just that kind of feeling of helplessness in a situation and I remember also just not having the tools to be able to emotionally process what was going on. I very much didn't want to think about it right, because there was so many emotions involved with what she was going on. I very much didn't want to think about it right Because there was so many emotions involved with what she was going through and the chemo and the radiation and it was really really rough. She made it through it but praise God for that.

Melina: 3:16

But yeah, I'd say that was probably a first shift of mine of just having an awareness of how important you know, just reading like how important family was to me and that I don't have a lot of it, it's just my mom. So they thought of losing her was huge, yeah. So I'd say that's probably the first shift. And then the next shift probably came when I actually went to college. It was just a very different, very different because growing up my mom was, she was very protective. I was very sheltered growing up, I think again, because she wasn't expecting a child or a family, very protective of making sure that I was safe. And she was also an older mom. She had me when she was 40. So, knowing you know, I probably term it like more of a helicopter mom is what she was like.

Melina: 4:09

So when I went to college, that was a huge shift for me because it's like I got to make my own choices and decisions and things, and that was things. I never went to such an extreme but it felt very freeing to, you know, be my own person and make my own choices and feel consequences that, um, you know, I went through. Or, uh, you know, have a new set of friends to make and and those social situations, because colleges it's, it's amazing, it's an interesting ecosystem of personalities and people and, um, you're in that phase of of rediscovering or discovering for the first time, kind of like who you are, trying on new hats, trying on different identities, um, and yeah, so that was.

Sade: 5:15

That was an amazing experience in that sense, where either it's like a pivot or something just happens to where it really like changes our whole life within a matter of minutes or seconds. So what moment for you was that? What was that? If you could pinpoint it.

Melina: 5:38

Yes, there was I don't know if I'd call it like a moment know, if I'd call it like a moment, I'd say kind of more of a season, and for me. So I'll give a little bit of context to this season before I get to it. So, growing up, you know talking about my mom and I she was also, she's, an atheist, and so growing up we didn't go to church. There wasn't really a whole lot of talk about religion in our home. She's she's very much a history buff, so there would always be like history involved. She was that person. We would go on road trips around, just like texas and they have these historical markers. We would stop and she would read each and every one and and read them out loud to me, because I refuse to get far after a little bit. Yeah, she was that kind of she loves history, that much so anyway, so it was more from like the historical point of view of things. But I had some friends, one in particular in high school, that her dad was a minister, a Methodist minister, and so mom encouraged me to go because that's where you know, apparently, like the, you know the church kids were the good kids, right, and this group of kids were like, none of them really got into trouble, things like that. That's not always the case. And so, you know, I moved through that experience and I had a great time, did youth group, did youth band, all the things. I even gave myself over to Jesus, but at that point I don't think I really understood what I was doing, the real meaning behind it, and so that's kind of the context of it. And then when I went off to college, I tried to look for a church. I went to school at Texas Tech, which is in Lubbock, texas, which is in the West Texas, so it's kind of a Bible belt area, and the churches that I found were very traditional, which is totally fine, but they were also very boring. It was hard to stay connected to this sermon and things like that. Yes, so, anyway, I I loved my church in high school. I didn't really find a connection in college and just kind of drifted off from there.

Melina: 7:55

This season, this shift that I'm kind of talking about, uh, I ended up finding a church here in Austin, close to our home, back in like 2010. And my husband and I got married in 2011. And he is not a believer, but I started to go to church and go to life group and have a group of women that I really connected with and got to learn more about the Bible. I'd never read the Bible. I had tried many times to attempt to read the Bible and didn't get past probably like a few chapters in Genesis. It was just like, wow, this is a lot, this is heavy. I don't know really what I'm reading, the context of it. So, you know, getting to know more about the Bible, more about Jesus, more about God, that kind of led up to this season, I was still very much in the discovery phase of Jesus, you know, learning about God and being open and asking a lot of questions, very much a newbie, like just asking so many questions. And at this point I was how old was I? I don't do public math well, but I was like 30, right, 30, 31.

Melina: 9:17

And the real shift happened, I will say I will say, when I had my son, jackson. So we had him in 2014. And again, I was going to church at that point and I had this life group of women that were lovely, but I had Jackson and unfortunately, I suffered from severe postpartum depression and anxiety. I didn't realize it because I thought that this was just kind of normal motherhood. They don't really pair you really well. I don't feel like. And I think now there's more awareness, there's more education than there was back then. Social media wasn't huge still back then, so you're not seeing TikTok videos or Instagram reels about, you know, motherhood and things like that. In my circle of friends there wasn't a lot of women that had kids or if they did, they were, you know, maybe a little bit ahead of me and hadn't experienced any of this. To get out of all of that, my body just got wrecked hormonally. I was very depressed. I mean, even now there's times where I don't remember things from those few years. I'm glad I took pictures, but in that season I was very much leaning wholeheartedly into God because I didn't have a community of people to lean on.

Melina: 10:49

It was interesting because I remember, I vividly remember this Shadi, like I was in that life group and when I got pregnant, thinking like great, these women are going to help, they're going to be around me postpartum to kind of make sure that I'm doing okay, right, like in the back of my mind, thinking like I'm glad I've got this community of women to surround me and to help me go through this postpartum Cause I don't know what I'm doing and, unfortunately, uh, in no, no malicious way at all, but nobody really checked on me. No, no, malicious way at all, but nobody really checked on me. And that was hard because I was working full-time as well and, again, there wasn't a lot of women. I worked in the construction field. It wasn't a lot of women and not and if there were, none of them have really they weren't, you know, pregnant or postpartum or they hadn't been going through this again, just not a lot of talk about it.

Melina: 11:43

So it was a very, very lonely, isolating season for me, because, you know, my husband didn't understand what I was feeling because you know he's never gone through depression. He certainly has never, you know, certainly never carried a child. You know, gone through all of that, nor will he ever. So it's that it was very much that disconnect of I feeling disconnected from myself and feeling so disconnected from everyone else, and so the only thing that kept me here and rooted and attempting each day was God was praying to him, was desperately on my knees, praying to Him about I need help.

Melina: 12:25

I don't know what I'm doing, I feel awful, I'm tired of being in so much pain and feeling so sick and feeling like I'm failing so much as a mom. Here's this sweet baby and I'm like I can't take care of this child. I'm just such a wreck and not having anyone around me to really say like it's okay, like not to say, like what you're feeling is normal, but just to even feel that that community of connection, of like you're you know you're not in this by yourself, you're not alone, and so that was me anchoring myself to God, of just like it feels like I have no one else, I only have Him, and it was very much like this is all that I have. I'm very grateful for that, because most certainly not everyone goes that direction right, some people it's a complete opposite, they don't even know about Jesus. People, you know it's a complete opposite, they don't even know about Jesus and so they don't even have that opportunity to even explore getting to know God more at an intimate level.

Melina: 13:33

But yeah, so I think when Jackson was like a year and a half, I decided to get baptized. That was a whole day in itself. Yeah, the enemy was real strong on that day, but yes, so, to answer your question, that's kind of where my season of shift was was in that postpartum, that desperation, that isolation and just desperately holding on to the inkling of hope, of clawing my way back out that deep, dark abyss and just praying to God that, like, he'll get me through it.

Sade: 14:07

Thank you so much for sharing that. I understand a lot of what you're saying, cause I went through postpartum as well and it can be hard when you feel like people like they see you and they know that you're there, but they don't really see what you're going through. You know, it's honestly kind of like they see you and they know that you're there, but they don't really see what you're going through. You know, it's honestly kind of like they see the surface but they don't understand. Like underneath all that, like you are literally falling to pieces and it's like do you not see like I'm a wreck, like yes, I have this makeup on, but I am literally a wreck and I don't see how you don't see through all of this, you know, yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that, because I get it. We all have our variation of it, but at the end of the day it's still so hard and you don't really know sometimes, like when it's going to be that moment where you feel like yourself again.

Melina: 14:57

It's just kind of like you know you're just trying to like just get through it, you know every day, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah that's a good way to put it Like when you're going to be yourself again. And, to be fair, you know, one of my friends says, like you're always in postpartum and I think that's true. Like you're, you're always going to be a different person, you know, from the day that you give birth. You're always a different person from there. But it's that being able to reconnect with that new version of yourself right, and welcoming and accepting that new version of yourself.

Melina: 15:28

And I think that's probably also the hard part is when you're in that deep postpartum depression or anxiety, like you're not welcoming or accepting much you know of yourself At least I personally wasn't there was a lot of like anger, frustration, you know, just yeah, just like just not not liking myself, like just being like why can't you be stronger, why can't you be healthier, what's wrong with you know? Just like all of those like negative thoughts and so that's such a, that's such the opposite of the vision that we have for ourselves postpartum, right, like we have this vision or at least I did of like I mean, who knows it's the reality, right, but at least this vision of like really enjoying all those sweet moments with your baby and breastfeeding, if you're able to, and I don't know pictures and blue bonnets and Miss Santa and all this kind of stuff. That's kind of what you envision is like the glitter and unicorns piece of it, and the reality can be for some of us, very different than what we're kind of sold in Hallmark movies.

Sade: 16:39

That is so accurate. Oh, my goodness, like you worded it perfectly. Because when you have multiple kids, at times too, I think at times your brain kind of tricks you into believing that because that first experience is one way that that next experience is going to be exactly the same, and it's completely the opposite sometimes. Exactly the same and it's completely the opposite sometimes. So I love that you said that. I love that your friend said exactly what I tell people to do that we rebirth ourselves every time we have a baby, like every time. It's so weird because you can have like five babies and show up as five different moms and I know it sounds completely crazy, but it's so true. And it's weird because we change every time.

Melina: 17:29

Yeah, no, you're so right. You're so right. Isn't that interesting? It's a different layer of ourselves, like a new layer, a new version of ourselves. So true.

Sade: 17:40

I would love to know, after going through all of these shifts and changes in your life, what has been the go-to thing to just kind of like help you keep your faith and just keep you motivated throughout life. Because I do feel like after we go through a lot of things, we do have minor hiccups or moments where things can trigger us or make us kind of feel a snippet of what we used to feel. So how do you like keep going when those moments happen?

Melina: 18:13

Yeah, that's a really good question. Um, you know what comes to mind for me. So I think, because of that very long season of you know what I'd call kind of walking through the valley with God in my postpartum, I have this deep reassurance that anytime that another you know challenge comes up or maybe I am not as connected to him I'm in that season right now. If I'm being very honest, I don't feel quite as connected to him. And the beautiful thing is is knowing that it's not him, it's me. There's this deep knowing of like he is. He's always going to be there for me and he's just waiting for me and for me it's like okay, regardless of, regardless of what I'm going through in my season, whether it seasons my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last year.

Melina: 19:27

Last spring was a really really hard, really really hard year. Praise God she got through it with surgery and minimal radiation. We also had the ice apocalypse here in Austin, which basically, I know you're on the other side of the world but, uh, we lose power basically and we're iced in for like a week and um, in Austin, if it just rains, people don't know what to do. So a whole, a whole week of ice was a lot. So it was just all of these things kind of toppling on top of each other, but it's that deep reassurance of like I just toppling on top of each other, but it's that deep reassurance of like I just I know that he's there and I just go back to him and I go back to prayer and I go back to his word, and that's what I'm doing in this season. When I feel a little disconnected from him, I'm like, okay, I'll go out on walks and I'll be like all right. You know, it's like just talking to a friend, like hey, hey, you know, here's what's going on in my day. You know, what do you have for me today? What, what, what am I missing? You know, what do I need to pay more attention to? What, what am I in my head about? And, um, it's just having that conversation. It's.

Melina: 20:40

It's such a funny thing, cause when I feel, like when I was new believer and I don't know if you felt like this, where it's like you, it's almost like there was these, this process, I don't know if that means that, like, like, I need to make sure that I pray a certain way and that I read this scripture and I do this X, y, z and now, because I've been with him and walking with him for you know, because I've been with him and walking with him for you know, you know, for some people it's their whole life, for me it's, you know, um 15 years, 14 years, and now it's just like a really good friend. And I'm sure you have those friends where you're like maybe you don't talk for, uh, you know, months or something like that, and then you can just call them on the phone and it's like nothing's ever passed, like, you know, just pick up where you left off. That's very much what I feel like with God. It's like it's there's no condemnation with not connecting with him. It's just joy.

Melina: 21:37

When I pick up the phone and I give him a call and he's like I've missed you, what are you doing? Like let's chat, let's see what's going on, and I love that. I love that and thankfully now I have a very rich community, very rich. I could cry thinking about it. He, he took me when you know that lonely, lonely, lonely period and gifted me during COVID 2020 with just this rich, rich community of women, of believers that carried me and have completely transformed my marriage and my family. And, yeah, so for that I'm grateful. So there's always things in my life that I see that he's working in and that I don't have to. I don't have to think like he's not, he's not going to pick up, you know, he's not going to answer the phone. He always is, he's always going to be there for me, and it's just a matter of how, how deep I want that connection to go. Yeah.

Sade: 22:34

I love the way that you describe your relationship with God, because it's literally just that a relationship and I think that sometimes that is the missing piece is that we can have a relationship with him. We can talk to him about anything. We can come to him anytime. There's no judgment. He loves us despite anything that happens. It's just the way that we view him that makes a huge difference, I think.

Melina: 23:03

Oh, completely yes, it's your perception of that relationship right, and not that you know, it's like there's not the right way or the perfect way or whatever. It's an evolution, right? So I think everyone has a different, they're in a different place in that relationship with him. You know your husband or a friend, it's like they're just different seasons of that relationship. And you know your husband or a friend, it's like there's just different seasons of that relationship and some are deeper, some are are a little bit lighter, and it's like that's definitely a hope of mine, though for everyone is they get to that point where it's.

Melina: 23:37

It's that it's almost feels like this just ease, this ease of of being able to, you know, just reach out to him, like not like on call, like with the bat phone or anything like that, but just like you know, like knowing. It's, like it's just this ease of a friendship, this ease of a relationship between us, um, and it's he's just excited just to talk to me and I can connect with him in different ways and in different places. It doesn't have to be a church, it doesn't have to be, you know, by my bedside with my scripture. It can be when I'm on a walk, it can be when I'm like, you know, I see something beautiful and I think of him and I talk to him about that, so, and for me it's like sunsets I love sunsets, like that is. That is like.

Sade: 24:27

Me too. It does something to you right, Especially mentally.

Melina: 24:33

It does, it moves me every time, like that's my favorite time of day, is to go for a walk at sunset and just marvel, and I just feel so at peace and I just know that like there's God, like he's with me, he's enjoying this, this sunset with me, and this beauty and this calmness, and it's, it's a, it's the sweetest thing. It's the sweetest thing.

Sade: 24:58

I love that. Oh, my goodness, we're so insane, cause mine is walking and doing hikes and talking to God too. Yes, I love that, oh.

Melina: 25:08

I wish we went together.

Sade: 25:10

I know, because I don't find many people that enjoy that because I was like, oh my gosh, I'm turning into kind of like a hippie-ish person a little bit. You're like, oh, this is so beautiful, oh, that is so gorgeous. God, you did such a great job there.

Melina: 25:26

I don't want to. So gorgeous God, you did such a great job there.

Sade: 25:27

Once you start like hugging the trees or something, All in my head like, oh my gosh, you're such a great artist, this is so beautiful. You did such an amazing job. I'm just in awe because I feel like he's like the greatest artist ever you know 100%.

Melina: 25:41

Are you like that way with stars?

Sade: 25:43

Stars, my next I am, I am. I will just sit there and stare and I'm like, oh, wow, that one looks cool. My kids have made me really come into that more because they notice details too and we're like, oh, that is so cool. Like that one looks a little different. So you know, yeah, I think we just all have our own way of like looking at things.

Sade: 26:05

And that one right there, it's something I feel like everyone deserves to experience at least once to just you know, kind of just find their place and just kind of be in awe, because it just makes you like you said perspective and the way you view things so differently. You know it does.

Melina: 26:25

It does and it just like I. I I never feel alone in those moments of awe. Like I, I feel so, so surrounded and safe is what I feel. I just feel surrounded, safe and in awe in those moments of like wow. I just feel surrounded, safe and in awe in those moments of like wow, that's just amazing. No-transcript. I know he can do so much, so much more and is doing so much more in my life, right, and that I just get to experience that beauty and awe in my daily life. It's very grounding. Yeah, it is.

Sade: 27:09

That's the exact word for it. Yes, groundy.

Melina: 27:13

It is.

Sade: 27:14

It levels you and brings you down to reality of how amazing things are and, honestly, how amazing the simplest things are too Sometimes, the things that we take for granted.

Melina: 27:28

A hundred percent.

Melina: 27:29

Yes, I've definitely been lately On social media.

Melina: 27:35

There's lots of homesteading things and accounts and things like that and I, I, I have this little yearning it's not going to happen, but, uh, because my husband he's not going to, he barely wanted a dog, like he's not going to get get up for, like chickens and all the rest of the animals but um, but it's that. It's that enjoyment and yearning and appreciation of the simple things, right, of the working with your hands, of the things that you're doing the day to day, that, honestly, like I feel just again, it's like the grounding piece and just bring you that much closer to God. It's like that I feel like very much, like the simpler the things are, the more rooted he's in it, if that makes sense. Like I know, stars are not simple. Scientists are going to come at me like the stars. I understand that these things are not simple. They're super complex, but the simplicity of them, that's what I'm talking about, not the makings of it. That's absolutely incredible, but it's like the simplicity of them, of the acts, of just appreciating them.

Sade: 28:50

Yeah, I love that and I totally agree. And sidebar, mine is goats. But I know my husband will definitely be like what. I know that was random, I know listeners, I know, but yeah, mine is goats. Like I have like this thing. I'm like I just need the baby goats.

Melina: 29:11

And I think we'll be all will be well, you know, you can come to Texas, you can have all the goats that you want. I love that. You're getting like a step above, even like bunnies and chickens. You're like I'm going straight to goats. I need some like real animals here that I'm gonna take yes I want some baby goats. I want some baby. You're pretty darn cute they are.

Sade: 29:36

I'm so upset so I was like this is bad, but my husband's definitely not gonna agree to this. But you know, maybe like only one can be helpful. Only one, it can be helpful one day.

Melina: 29:49

Yeah and then put that on your vision board. We'll see. We'll see what happens.

Sade: 29:53

I think I'm gonna put it on there.

Melina: 30:00

Sweet friend.

Sade: 30:01

I don't know about a goat, but I know I'm like I so badly want them. So I want to thank you so much for coming on here with me and honestly just sharing your story and your journey and all the things that you learned. I know that's going to make a huge difference for someone out there, because there's always someone they're going through the exact same thing. So I know that it's going to shift somebody out there for sure, because I can relate to so many things that you talked about.

Melina: 30:32

That's really sweet of you. Yeah, same I feel like. Anytime I can hear somebody else's story, it makes me feel like, okay, I can relate. I see some of myself and some of their story and I don't feel, um, I don't feel alone in what I'm feeling, um, and that's, I think, the biggest thing, right, especially those hard, hard seasons or, you know, or if you're in a relationship with, with, you know, non-believers, that's also super hard and challenging and so I just hope it gives you hope, um, that that's not the end of the story and he's, he's always with you in those in those moments, in those seasons, and just to keep reaching out to him, right, just keep reaching out to him and leaning on and finding community.

Melina: 31:25

That's honestly, like my biggest advice is find community, whether it's online or in person. In person is best, but find somebody you can go watch some sunsets with, right, if it's not your husband, you need, like at least a couple, couple good girlfriends that can help, just surround you and root you. And, um, yes, I'm, I'm always, I'm always like find some friends. You need some friends, like it's. It's just, we're just made, you know, we're just made for community, we're just made for community. So that's what I feel like your podcast is. It's a platform for community and to feel connected and I know I appreciate that and I know your listeners do too.

Sade: 32:10

Well, thank you so much, and that was another amazing story. I will be back again next week. Bye y'all. Well, that's it, you all. I hope that you enjoyed every second of that episode, because I definitely did so to make sure that you don't miss out on any new episodes. Click like follow or subscribe so that you don't miss out on anything, and I will be back again next week. Bye y'all.